What We Love This Week: Lisa Wilkinson

You may or may not have heard (unfortunately for you, we’re expecting the former), but the long awaited movie of Twilight fan-fic, ’50 Shades of Grey’ hit the silver screen this Valentine’s weekend. The film is already raising eyebrows, and for all the wrong reasons.

One reporter, Lisa Wilkinson, of Today Show Australia thought honesty was definitely the best policy when it came to her review of the latest cinema hype. She sums up our thoughts at VFM perfectly. Lisa, this week, YOU are our journalism Valentine! Step aside, Charlie Brooker! You’ve got some competition.

Take a look for yourself:

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Are You The One? Dear God I Hope Not!

As The Captain and Tenille once famously sang, “Love… love will keep us together.” Powerful words that have resonated throughout the ages from 1930s housewives waiting for their menfolk to return from war to struggling first year uni students who are giving the long-distant thing a go. They are words to live by. Unless that is if you’re a contestant on MTV’s romance-yeah-right-have-sex-in-Hawaii-and-bitch-about-it-all-day-long-get-me-someone-to-love-NOW dating show, Are You The One?

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The cast of Are You The One? Peace!

It’s the classic tale of fame-hungry sexually-frustrated post-teen hunks and “fabulous” women who travel to a desert island in Hawaii in order to find their love, whilst sweaty men with cameras over their arms capture the whole thing for our enjoyment. Only this time, MTV have gone all scientific! That’s right, readers, SCIENCE has matched these contestants up in pre-production and now it is their job to find out who is their perfect match in order for the twenty contestants to split one million dollars! The twist? They only have ten weeks to match up or they go home with nothing because apparently finding your soulmate and a ten-week paid vacation in the most beautiful part of the world just isn’t prize enough!

There are many contestants, with a vast range of beauty and cuntish behaviour! My personal favourites come in the form of Shanley and Chris T. Both beautiful, both ready to be rogered in the pool and both absolutely besotted with one another. They seem ideal mates. He enjoys a nice booty and doesn’t mind being screamed at hysterically when drunk and she likes muscles and enjoys screaming at him hysterically when she’s drunk. Overall, they are drunk-tastic together. There’s just one problem, when they enter the Truth Booth, it is announced that they are not a match.

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Shanley is not a happy bunny when Chris T. and Paige are declared perfect matches for one another.

Oh yeah, did I mention there was a Truth Booth?! That’s right! If the rest of the house think that two people are a match then they go into the Truth Booth and after some fancy lights that look like scanners go up and down their body, they  are told if they are a match or not. Sadly, it was the latter for Chris T. and Shanley. Although she is desperate to become Mrs T. there is no hope for them. You see, here in lies the problem with Are You The One? Contestants have to do some SERIOUS soul-searching and really ask themselves the question of whether love is better than money. Turns out, it is! As recently, Chris T. found his soulmate in the form of sexy blonde, Paige. She’s actually very lovely, gullible in the way she falls hook, line and sinker for real New Yorrrrrrrrker Chris S. who looks like an ungenerous lover and proves it after sweet talking her into bed and bragging about it to anyone bored enough to listen, but other than that she’s a real doll. And sadly, after Shanley goes to a rampage ’round the house slagging everyone off for selecting Chris and Paige for the Truth Booth treatment (even though it was an inevitability) before sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder about how science is wrong and what they have is real, her lover must leave the house with his scientific counterpart to the honeymoon suite set up by show’s producers. Whether they like it not!

Although Paige has hopes that she and Chris T. might get to know each other a little better and see if there is a spark, her efforts fall on deaf ears:

‘I’ll take the couch,’ he mutters to her upon arrival at their swish hotel room.

‘Won’t be needing these,’ She sneers as she dusts rose petals off the bed aggressively.

It’s classic MTV. Everything you could possibly want from a “dating” show is accounted for: a presenter too old to be there, sexy romping sessions in a bubble bath, a skinny and camp brunette who is so girl-obsessed he’s GOT to be overcompensating for something and not to mention, it is tattoo porn!

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Call me crazy but I don’t think Chris and Paige are gonna make it…

Don’t get my wrong, if there was an award for Trashiest But Best Thing On Television, this show would be going home with it! It has changed the game in regards to Bad/Good television. You know like most people justify their poor viewing habits with the line, “It’s like a train wreck, you can’t look away!” With Are You The One? It’s a train wreck you wanna stare at all day long, laughing hysterically at the wreckage and uttering the words, “She’s such a bitch!” to the bikini-clad survivors! I’m rooting for no one and everyone in equal measure and loving every second!

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What We Love This Week… The Most Popular Girls In School

Release your inner bitch with the help of Deandra, Mackenzie, Britnay and Trisha AKA the Most Popular Girls in school! Ok, so maybe Barbies mouthing off at each other in the vilest language imaginable shouldn’t be funny… but it is. Not only will it increase the inventiveness of your insults, but as you start to empathsise with them, you learn the putrid depths of your own personality. It’s soulgazing with a difference.

Now in its third season, the girls have weathered irritable bowel syndrome, Cheernations, reality tv and Deandra’s arms being ripped off. However, can they overcome the new threat of … hipsterdom?

If the previous episodes are anything to go by, this is a story arc not to be missed!

What We Love This Week…Cats in Tights

Cats. Cats. Cats. Cats. The household pets have been a love of the internet for the past few years, from lolcats to grumpy cat—we can’t get enough. Now, we’re on to a whole new era of kitty-love. Yes, cats are now in tights.

This is all brought to you from Meowtfit of the day, the tumblr page that gives people a daily dosage of cats in tights. ad_119640632

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What We Love This Week… Adult Wednesday Addams

October has been completely taken over by the holiday of Halloween.

It might not be as big a deal as it is in America, but it’s still holds a special spooky place in my heart. Mostly because it combines two of my favourite things, dressing up and eating sweets (I swear I’m an adult).

A family that I will always associate with the autumn sweet giving festival is the Addams family.  These eccentric characters embraced hobbies and crafts that the ‘regular folk’ might consider morbid, strange, even scary. All while being a fabulous example of what a loving and welcoming family unit was supposed to be.

 My personal favourite Addams was Wednesday, and not just because she attempted numerous times to ‘kill’ her younger brother Pugsley. There was something about the Wednesday Addams I grew up with that embodied the spirit of the clan’s credo Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc (We gladly feast on those who would subdue us). My favourite scene from the second Addams Family movie is when she takes on the role of ‘Pocahontus’ and leads a Native American revolt on the European settlers during the Thanksgiving play. For a long time, Christina Ricci was the only Wednesday for me, until a stumbled upon (yet another) web series.

Adult Wednesday Addams, is updated every Wednesday (of course) and follows a Ricci-based Wednesday as she navigates the life of we ‘millennials’ including living away from home, applying for jobs, on-line dating and the dealing with the infamous one night stand.

 With the seasonal spookiness reaching climax tomorrow I thought we could all enjoy the hard work that was put in to the writing and character casting and just drown a little in the nostalgia. Maybe even throw an Addams Family themed party? Who knows! Happy Halloween!

You should be watching: The Bravest Warriors

Hey you!

Yes, You!

The person reading this off of their laptop screen. Firstly, I apologize for my aggressive internet poking, secondly; do you happen to like Adventure Time with Finn and Jake, that bizarre yet incredibly nostalgic cartoon that everyone between the ages of 6 and 40 seems to be watching now-a-days?

If you haven’t you’re missing out on a math-matical time

You do?

Well do you know that Pendleton Ward has another brainchild on the internet that combines the same crazy plot line, unique animation style and colourful characters? Are you looking for something with all of this and a lot more dirty jokes than Adventure Time?

Let me tell you of the Bravest Warriors.

The Bravest Warriors can be found on the Youtube channel CartoonHangover. Four (racially diverse- because woah that doesn’t happen often enough) friends who are a team of heroes who travel the universe helping strange, terrifying, and sometimes cute aliens… all the while trying to figure out the how to release their parent’s from the mysterious See-Through-Zone. You’re gonna love it. Now on to the second season I can guarantee you at least one hour of joy.

But don’t take my word for it, here’s the first episode.

And if that hasn’t hooked you in. There is a character who is slightly more adorable than BMO.

Look at the precious precious thing

 

What We Love this Week… Sexy Ghosts!

Halloween is just around the corner. Yaaay! It’s the time of year we can all get together and watch scary movies, eat buckets full of sweets and dress up as monsters. What’s not to love about halloween. But unfortunately for women, as each year comes back around, the costumes seem to get less scary and more well… slutty. Slutty cat, sexy witch, slutty pumpkins . Fear not, for we have stumbled across the slutty ghost! So if you don’t know what to go as this year, you do now!

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